This story, which I hadn’t heard before, is pure Judy. Fantastic.

Leonard Mattioli, an Epic board member, recalls chiding Faulkner for driving an old Volvo. “I told her next time you buy a car, take a man with you,” says Mattioli, the founder of American, a midwestern retailer of appliances and electronics. A few years later, Mattioli introduced his fiancée to Faulkner. [Judy] proceeded to pepper her with questions Epic typically asks prospective employees: “How many square yards of astroturf are there in the U.S.? Which person, dead or alive, would you most like to have lunch with?” Turning to a bewildered Mattioli, she said “next time you take a wife, take a woman with you [for advice].”

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Reader Paul Curtis writes:

Funny, you recommended the Pizzazz Pizza Oven more than four years ago on the blog. I know because I bought one at the time, and I’ve never tired of it! In fact, this year I bought additional turntables, because I’ve put so much wear on the original.

The device is so convenient, I’ve even started carrying it with me in my car, when I visit friends.

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If you really think that laborious food prep is that elevating, you should go back to the methods of your grandmother. Buy whole nuts and crack them by hand, picking out the meats and hoping you don’t accidentally get a bit of shell. Throw out the powdered gelatin and use calf’s foot jelly. Make your own confectioner’s sugar with a food grinder or a rolling pin. Pluck your own chickens. Render your own lard.

If you think that doing these things would be ridiculous–which it would–then why is it ridiculous to have a machine chop your onions or make your bechamel? There’s no particular reason to assume that we have reached some sort of technological plateau where the things that we happen to do by hand right now represent the best possible methods for accomplishing those tasks.

In other words, the “one knife, one pan”, “I don’t need kitchen gadgets” snobs aren’t a better, purer sort of cook; they’re just ignoring most of the contents of their kitchen. How many of them cook over an open fire, rather than using one of those high-faluting fancy stoves with their automatic temperature regulation and their electric lights? Why are they storing all their food in a cold box rather than shopping for each day, the way people do in India? Who needs a special pot for coffee when your great grandparents just boiled it up in a saucepan and settled the grinds by dropping eggshells into the resulting brew? Why own a blender instead of putting the food through a grinder and then a chinois? Wouldn’t the dishes get cleaner if you boiled up water and washed them by hand? And hey, what’s that toaster doing there?

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Your parents helped you pay for your undergraduate education while you were a student and, presuming you didn’t graduate at 25 (a presumption which may or may not be correct), they also paid your monthly loan bill during the years immediately following your graduation. They’ve declined to continue to pay not because they wish to punish you, but because doing so would be difficult for them. This strikes me as perfectly reasonable and fair. You are an educated adult of sound mind, able body and resilient spirit who has absolutely no reason not to be financially self-sufficient, even if doing so requires you to earn money in ways you find unpleasant.

You say you’re grateful to your parents for helping you pay for your undergraduate education, but you don’t sound grateful to me. Almost every word in your letter tells me that you’re pissed off that you’re being required to take over your student loan payments. I point this out because I think it’s important that you acknowledge your anger for what it is. It does not rise out of gratitude. It rises out of the fact that you feel entitled to your parents’ money. You’re simply going to have to come to grips with the fact that you aren’t.

Her point is that working hard, working unpleasantly, will give you a big life that you can’t get any other way. Hard work isn’t a punishment, it’s an opportunity. Don’t squander it through self-pity and anger.

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Impatience

I’m often hesitant to give people specific gift ideas because I’m impatient. Since I’ve been working in a steady, well-paying job I’ve gotten used to (mostly) buying whatever I want, as soon as I want it. That’s the main reason, in fact, that I don’t have a long list of gift ideas—almost everything I want, I’ve already purchased.

As soon as I put an item onto a list of gift ideas, I’ve lost the ability to buy that item for myself. There’s now a chance that someone else has purchased that item for me. Until the occasion rolls around (Christmas, my birthday, etc), I don’t know whether or not I received it as a gift. And I can’t buy it until I do know.

Because I’m impatient, that drives me nuts. When I decide that I want something, I want to get it now. I don’t want to wait another 3 months (or even 3 weeks). I want to be free to just go ahead and get it, without worrying about disappointing someone.

Sure, practicing the discipline of patience would probably be good for me. But I’m not particularly inclined to use gift receiving as an opportunity for that.

Laziness

Making a gift list would require that I then keep that gift list up to date. There are multiple book series that I’d like to eventually own. There are also multiple books that I already own as physical books that I’d like to own as eBooks.

In both cases, I could make a list of what I want. But then I’d have to keep that list up to date. Each time I think of a new entry, I’d have to remember to add it to the list. And each time I get something (whether on my own or as a gift), I’d have to remember to remove it from the list.

Honestly, that all sounds like a lot of work. And I’m lazy, so it probably wouldn’t get done. Instead, the list would rot and moulder and I’d run a very real risk of receiving something twice (from different people) or of receiving something that I’d already bought for myself. And that doesn’t sound like any fun at all.

Bottom Line

Getting a gift card, allows me to be both impatient and lazy without making either you (as the giver) or me (as the receiver) feel bad. It really is the perfect gift. And I’d love to receive it, with thankfulness, gratitude, and appreciation.

But, in some circumstances, gift cards can also demonstrate both humility and that you do know the recipient well. I’m primarily thinking of circumstances in which the recipient himself doesn’t know what he wants and couldn’t tell you if you asked. I’m a great example of this. I love to read. And most people think that buying a gift for me is easy: buy a book. This is true.

But, which book? Aye, there’s the rub. Oftentimes, I don’t know which book I want to read next. I don’t even necessarily know which book I want to read in a year. I have ideas of books that I think I might want to read. But a cursory glance at my bookshelf would reveal that there are many books there that I’ve purchased and never read. I purchased them with good intentions but somehow never quite got around to actually cracking the covers.

Now, there are bad gift card gifts. A gift card to a store I never shop at (and never really want to shop at) does tell me that you don’t know me and didn’t ask others about me. That gift of a card does validate all of the negative stereotypes about gift cards.

But the fact that bad gift card gifts exist doesn’t invalidate the entire category. At least, I don’t think so. A gift card, earmarked for books, tells me that you know that I like to read. It also tells me that you’re willing to admit that you don’t know what I want to read, anymore than I do. And that’s appreciated.

I’ve never had even the slightest hint of resentment about receiving a gift card for books. Quite the opposite, in fact. It’s an opportunity for me to browse shelves, slowly and deliberately, looking for something new and unexpected. It’s an opportunity for me to splurge on a book that I might not otherwise buy (but will enjoy nonetheless). It’s an opportunity for me to complete (or start) a collection that I didn’t know I was interested in. It’s an opportunity for me to pre-order that book that won’t be released for another year.

It’s a great gift because, for a time, it’s every book everywhere. And that’s wonderful.

To the Apple Board of Directors and the Apple Community:

I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come.

I hereby resign as CEO of Apple. I would like to serve, if the Board sees fit, as Chairman of the Board, director and Apple employee.

As far as my successor goes, I strongly recommend that we execute our succession plan and name Tim Cook as CEO of Apple.

Well, damn.

Thanks, Steve, for all of the great products that you and your team have brought to the market. From my first Mac (a PowerMac G5), to my first Mac laptop (a white iMac), to my first iPod (3rd generation click wheel iPod), I’ve loved every Apple product that I’ve owned. I’ve been inspired by the careful attention to detail, in every single facet of the product design. I’ve been inspired by your business methods and the amazing success that Apple has achieved.

My daughters are growing up with Apple technology. They navigate around our iMac with amazing ease. They’re pros at using our iPad and constantly ask to be allowed to play on our iPod Touches. Your systems have made computing easy for them and even at the young age of “nearly 3” and “almost 5”, they’re not afraid to experiment, learn, and create.

Thank-you, God bless, and I wish you nothing but the best as you start this new chapter of your life.

(I have no doubt that Tim Cook, Phil Schiller, Jonathan Ives and the rest of the crew will continue to make great products and have great success. But Apple without Steve just feels wrong and I’ll miss knowing that he’s there.)

Sprint Nextel Corp. will begin selling the iPhone 5 in mid-October, people familiar with the matter said, closing a huge hole in the No. 3 U.S. carrier’s lineup and giving Apple Inc. another channel for selling its popular phone.

… Sprint will also carry the iPhone 4, starting at the same time, one person familiar with the situation said.

Nice. My contract is up for renewal in July. I wonder if Sprint would give me an early upgrade option before then?

Alternate link for the poor benighted souls that can’t read the WSJ online.)

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5 Reasons Why:

1. To Avoid an Early Grave
2. To Lose Weight
3. To Save Your Back
4. To Increase Your Focus
5. To Gain a Satisfying Tiredness

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